Life Sucks

Life sucks

No matter how many good things I do

No matter how much effort I put on it

No matter how many times I try

It never goes away

This feeling

This fucking feeling I'm a failure.

I can't get a job, I can't be popular, I can't be rich, I can't even have friends because they go away.

These are material things, even people. But right now I need it. And I haven't. Like that expensive medication doctor wrote. Like that fancy outfit I can't afford. Like that dream trip I'll never do if it depends on me and money. Like helping people to feel better. Like being more open to the ones I know. Like showing I know how to say I love you without facing the sky, ashamed.

I see no point to stand and fight. Nothing works right. I got no incentive. Just pressure left. So many thought on my mind, no one to talk about. I don't want to sound boring. I don't need a therapist again. I don't wanna go there again. I wanna be like a normal person. With no anxiety. With no social life problems. With no worries of other people inside my mind trying to play with my own appointments.

Look at them, they're happy. They can be lying. They can be suffering. But they don't seem to be like that. How's that so easy?

Every time I cry I feel I can't do anything. Empty. Every time I say "no" it's like I'm closing another door to that chapter in the book of my life. Every time I find something nice to do no one supports me and I don't even know why. Do they care? Are they sad I'm thinking by myself so small? What the hell is going on? Why is that so fuckin hard to share my feelings?

I don't want to sound a drama queen to anyone. I don't want to tell my whole life to someone feel pity about me. I don't want "wait and see" if someone will understand my white people problems. I'm no miserable. I'm no hunger, I'm just someone trying to reach somewhere with no help from anybody. How long will it take?