Postcard

I promised I'd never talk about you anymore nor write about my feelings for you, even though it's tempting everytime I take myself back at that time, back at that old time I once knew.

I promised not to say your name out loud so I wouldn't remember your hazel eyes staring deeply at me, your straight smile that used to pave the way for my mind to explore your many faces, your firm but soft touch on my skin when you held me, then I knew somehow you were missing me.

I promised to stay away from you, to stay out of your business, to keep you out of my life and move on from this confusing past we lived but... I failed.

Everything happened so fast like the time for drug effects to show up. You were my drug. The one I wanted so bad and coudn't have because it wasn't listed in my prescription. You were the drug I thought I needed to reach the top, to live an adventure, to feel alive for a while, to be different from what I used to be - just a regular kid around the popular ones.

You were popular. I could see all those interested looks at you and your skills, your dramas, your calls to all the attention you could have. You were special, fearless, radical, impulsive, a motherfucking bastard who stuck me into an illusion and poisoned me with a sweet kiss.

But I promised not to close my eyes to picture that moment again. I promised not to say a word and try to be as polite as I can. I promised to keep these emotions to myself 'cause I am a better person than I was before and I won't lose what I have right now for some teenage kind of a dream.

I promised not to sing those 80s songs you vibed so hard but it's hard for me let them go, you have a really fine music taste after all... and that's probably one of the reasons why I was into you in the first place.

Don't blame me, you have you charm continuously surrounding me so far, just because I never forgot about you, just because I wanted a bit more of it all.

Yes, I promised not to fall in love with you. For all circumstances, for the principles of my own life, for your reputation, for that stupid rule book, I couldn't love you, not even a little, not even if I already did.